Assume! - A key to marriage.

You ever heard the slogan. "When you assume you make a _____ out of you and me." Only partly true. Let me explain. Assumptions that makes us look stupid is when make decisions with not enough or bad information. It's when we fill in the blanks of a story with our own words. The problem is we rarely fill in the blanks correctly because our assumptions are based upon what another is thinking of which we have no ability to know. Those kind of assumptions destroy relationships, especially marriages.

That is why the right assumption is based upon what you know; and that is you. What if in a marriage we would assume it is us and not our spouse. The assumption that it is our spouse with the issue is convenient. I won't lie; it feels better to place the blame on another. Who likes looking into their own heart to see what kind of darkness is actually there. The problem is, that you have no control over the other persons heart or mind. But you do have power. The power you have is influence.

Here is how influence works. Influence is the ability to win the heart and mind of another. You know how you do that. Bible say's, "A new command I give you; Love one another. As I have loved you, so you MUST love one another." Here is the secret to love. It has nothing to do with the other person. It has everything to do with the size and capacity of your heart to love despite. Influence is when you choose to act out of love not matter where we think the blame lies because our goal is not the conflict it is the outcome.

If you want to assume anything, try this. Try assuming not the blame but the responsibility for the success of your marriage. Men; this is a key place you can lead in your homes. Let's put down our pride, our ego's (which are real), and our need to be right for the calling of beautiful marriages. Assuming responsibility means looking inside ourselves for darkness, confessing it to God, then acting toward our spouse's in love. Let your influence grow in their hearts by your ability to be humble, assume responsibility and act in love. Pursue them as God pursued us. Your marriage is not beyond repair (redemption). It starts with you.

Don't stop assuming. Assume more!

Under his Majesty!

God will not quit until all of us is transformed by his grace and his love. That means that every part of us will have to go through the process of reforming under the Majesty of God. This sounds all good except that the process of placing all of our lives under his Sovereignty and Majesty means desserts, valleys, mirrors, and even death.

The story of Moses is that story. Remember Moses key issue that God was constantly trying to bring under his grace and Majesty? It was his anger. Thing is, that it wasn't that Moses anger wasn't righteous. It was. It was how he acted on it. Our first glimpse of it was Moses as a prince of Egypt with a growing awareness of the injustice his people were enduring under the rule of the Egyptions. It erupted one day and the result was a dead Egyption, his own people's distrust of Moses, and his exile.

It was righteous, it just wasn't right. Moses anger had not come under the Majesty of God and he took vengeance into his own hands. But God took Moses on a journey of redemption. A journey of 40 years in the dessert. Even still Moses had not surrendered that area. He gave selflessly like no other figure in the bible minus Jesus. But he still held onto his anger. It is witnessed when his people complaining for water and wishing they were back in Egypt was met by a gracious God but an angry Moses. God asked Moses to speak to the rock and to tell it to produce water but instead out of his Anger Moses strikes the rock. And not just one time but two.

It was actually this act of anger that cost Moses the most. It was this act of anger that cost him the promised land. Moses people saw it but he didn't. This might seem very unfair. Is it. God makes no false declarations. He is after our hearts. Not just part of our hearts but all of our hearts. It means the surrender of all of our life to him.

Sojourners Of The Weird

Did you know if you look up the definition of weird in the dictionary it would say, "involving or suggesting the supernatural; unearthly or uncanny"? Have you ever had someone pop into your mind and felt led to call them or text them to find out they were struggling with something or had you on their mind as well? Weird! Have you ever thought about someone not usually on your mind and then bump into them a day or two later? Weird!!

I sometimes fail to realize the density of the weird though. I can tell you that weird happens to me all the time but if you asked me to give you an example I would have trouble putting my finger on one or two instances. Why is that? Because I don't realize how spiritually dense, how much of the supernatural is packed into the seemingly small weird moments.

Being a Christian means getting very comfortable and even excited about the weird. It means looking for the weird. It means speaking the weird and exploring the weird with others. It means stopping every day and asking God what the weird moments were in the day. It means sounding weird to others. Those who do not know Christ see weird as just that weird never even considering they had experienced a God moment. To them our reality is frightening to them. Think about it. If I told you I prayed for you and because I hear this voice in my head telling me to, you would consider me weird. And according to the definition of weird you would be right.

What if as GraceRiver and even beyond we decided to stop every day this week to look for the weird? What if we decided to realize the density of weird moments and become aware of the supernatural power of Christ intersecting our mundane existence sparking life all around us? What if we became sojourners of the weird this week. Think of one weird friend you can talk to about the weird happenings of your week and celebrate a God who shows up all around us.

And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. - 2 Corinthians 3:18

In the footsteps of Mary and Joseph

It seems a simple story of an obvious choice but is it? Was it a no brainer for Mary to say, "I am the Lords servant," in response to the news that she was to be the birth mother of the Savior? Was it a no brainer that Joseph would act in the seemingly obvious manner as to take Mary as his wife even though what was conceived in her was not of him?

We can read the stories flat having heard them a number of times as if the characters were fictional. They weren't though. Have you ever watched a movie and then at the end the slogan"Based on a true story" rolls across the screen. Do you remember how that one line moves you deeply as you realize that what you just heard really happened. It changes everything.

Hear these words and allow them to settles deep in your heart, "A true story."

Mary and Joseph's responses were not obvious. As a matter of fact, if we were completely honest we might not choose to respond as they did. Here is the realization if we allow ourselves a moment of vulnerability. What is obvious on the back side looking back is never obvious in the moment.

Mary was between 13 and 15 years old. She was betrothed to a wonderful man, every woman's dream. That dream was at jeopardy. Weddings were a week long celebration in Jewish tradition. They were a lot bigger deal then we make them here in America and we make them a pretty big deal. Mary's future would be completely altered from what she had been imagining as every girl at a young age. Mary did have a choice.

Joseph was a "righteous man" that in the Jewish community had a "title", just as someone would be given of pride like, "merit of honor recipient." That place of honor was on the line. He had every right by Jewish law and tradition to separate from her publicly, but because of his love and respect for Mary had in mind to divorce her quietly. His rights to the marriage bed, something a man dreams of since a boy, he would have to surrender for the first 10 months of their union per command of the angel. Obvious choice?

What I have realized is that for most of us, myself included, what seems an obvious choice in the moment of decision making, never is. What allowed Mary and Joseph to respond as they did was the very reason God had chosen them to be the parents of Jesus. They had the hearts of a servant. There were different words for servant they used. The one Mary chose in response above was "slave." It is a whole other level of serving when one surrenders every right of their own to that of another.

What I have also noticed is that what we call servant often isn't what Mary and Joseph considered servant. We tend to be servant hearted in a worship service when the pastor is speaking about servanthood. "I'll go on that missions trip." Then when we get home and all the circumstances of our life present themselves, our passion to serve is diminished.

Following in the footsteps of Mary and Joseph is a surrender of all our own rights despite the circumstances. I have watched as people serve in worship or children's ministry, or other areas of the church because it was fun for them and rewarding at that time. That motivation to serve will always be tested. When it is the resolve of our heart is always revealed.

Another way it is tested is in our own moments of crisis or extreme joy. I have been to hospitals to visit those sick who no one else has visited. I have also been in peoples homes in what should have been times of great joy to see no one else standing there but myself. The hard reality is that your investment into others is evidenced by the clouds of witnesses or lack of.

Look at the clouds of witnesses around Mary and Joseph now. Icons of the Christmas story because of their investment into God's vision and his mission to a world despite the circumstances. Living the Christmas story really is about investment. Who's lives are you investing in?

God Hung a Star (Part 2)

"After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, “Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.” Matthew 2: 1-2

I wonder if my move toward Jesus is not a move toward dependence but toward independence. Could this be exactly what happened to the followers of God in the long period of time between the last prophetic word to the birth of Jesus?

The scripture tells of the story of the Magi coming from the east. When Herod heard the reports of a King of the Jews being born in Bethlehem he was "disturbed". But he wasn't the only one. No, "all of Jerusalem" with him was disturbed too. Wouldn't you think that the response of Jerusalem to the coming Messiah would be one of great joy? But that was not the case. Instead they were disturbed.

What caused this response in God's people? What if it was a contentment to live just a sliver of life. They had gotten there before. When in captivity for multiple generations under the rule of the Egyptians the Israelites, God's people, learned a life that really had little to no hope, peace, or destiny. They settled for a smaller existence.

What if in our lives we sometimes do the same? It's as if I need God only enough to get to a point where I feel that I don't need him anymore. This is also what the world see's us as Christians doing and even the Gospel we might preach. Get Jesus so you can get you life together. What if it was because we cease to live out of a dependent relationship with Jesus when we're not hurting. Do we really realize what good times are for? Are they for enjoyment and basking in the wonders of what God is doing in our lives. Yes. But is that only what they are for? No. They are for an increase of dependency so that you can be a vessel of hope to others. It actually requires an increased dependency on Christ to be Christ to others. When your hurting you turn the complete focus to yourself. The best thing is that God's majesty allows it as he ministers to our needs. But the purpose of our healing and wholeness is to be that same vessel of grace to others.

The trap is to never turn those moments of self-focus back to others. When we don't, we live in a perpetual cycle of me. When life becomes only about me I don't experience real life. I only experience a sliver of it. What God is always doing in our lives is hanging stars. He hangs them as a sign of life that allows us in both the good times and bad times to become increasingly dependent on him for life. Dependency then is life. Life to us and then life from us.

Let's live the Christmas story. Dependency that gives and brings life.

God Hung a Star (Part 1)

"After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, “Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.” Matthew 2: 1-1

God doesn't leave us with no means for faith. He always hangs a star!

Have you ever been in a place where you felt so far from God. Seemed like forever since you last really "tasted and seen that God is good." We can feel that way when our lives circumstance seem to turn for the worst. Our sin can often place us in that same place of distance from God's presence. I remember being in college and feeling this deeply. I was studying for ministry but having no sense of God in my life. It rose to the level of desperation only to be met by disappointment when is seemed like God had abandoned me.

The Magi were from the far east. They were not close to Jerusalem. They were distant from it, yet God hung a star. To the Magi it would have been the perfect way to get their attention. They were stargazers and thus were always looking to the starts. But, they were not Jews. They were not of God's chosen people, yet he hung a star for them to see.

The truth is that God is always hanging stars to announce his presence. When we are literally far away as the Magi were or our hearts are, he hangs stars. It is knowing where to look for them that becomes key. The Magi were always looking up. Are we. In that season of life in college I realized I had been looking down not up. Looking down is focused only on the next step and fretting if there will be solid ground when you place your next foot forward. It is a real place to be. There are seasons of life that come to us all that feels like were walking a tight rope with danger lurking on both sides. Desperate to not fall our eyes stay locked on the rope of our circumstances praying for some sort of balance that allows us to take the next step.

What is most impressive to me is not the tightrope walkers but the tight rope walkers who do it blindfold. Now that is daring. So is faith. It is super daring. An ability to walk the tightrope of life with our eyes not down but instead up to the stars. It is the scripture that says, "Since we live by the spirit let us keep in step with the spirit." Faith is trusting the spirit to the stepping with a focus on the stars.

Here is the promise of God. If you trust your stepping to the Spirit and look up, he will always have hung a star as evidence of his presence. God doesn't leave us with no means for faith. He always hangs a star!

Do as I do: The life of a Martyr

Born to Die!

I wonder when Jesus realized the purpose of his birth was for death? There are very few stories of when Jesus was a child but the one we do have is when he went into the synagogue and began to teach and speak with teachers of the law there and found they were very impressed by his understanding of scripture. Was it in his understanding of the scripture that he realized he was the Messiah, the one who the prophet Isaiah spoke about that would come and give his life as a ransom for many?

Or was it when he was older, around 30, when he realized that his journey was something else and decided to be baptized by John the Baptist. Was it upon stepping into the water as the dove descended, the Holy Spirit, and the voice of God from heaven saying "this is my son in whom I am well pleased"? Was it the voice of God that revealed to Jesus that his birth was for death?

Or was it later, following his baptism, when Jesus went up to the mountain where he was tempted by the devil? Was it upon his denial of the devil's offers that he decided to follow God? And in that following God, coming down the mountain to began his public ministry did he realize that calling on his life was for death in order that we could have life?

Or was it the first time Jesus mentioned the coming of his death and began to speak about the time when he would not be there any longer? Remember when he first began to speak about his death? It was Peter, the guy who never got it right, that got it right for the first time when Jesus asked, "who do you say I am?" Remember, Peter's response, "You are the Messiah." Was it then upon Jesus answer to Peter, "this was not revealed to you by man but by my father in heaven," that Jesus realized his purpose?

What it must have felt like for Jesus to know he was born to be a martyr. Is there any life in knowing that your sole purpose was for death? Could that give hope or just steal it? The evidence of the answer to that question is in his life; his living. His life would suggest that from an early age he began to understand that there was something special and unique about the calling on his life to fulfill the purposes of God. That calling seemed to give Jesus life; so much life in fact that flocks of people chose to pursue him. They chose to be around him and to sacrifice their work, their life, and everything just to be near him. What they experienced when they were with him was life. That life Jesus had that flowed out of his soul came from God, his father, and the fulfillment of his purposes. Jesus was born to die and he was okay with it. No, he wasn't just okay with it. He was passionate about it. It gave him life.

I wonder what stirs our passion to give of ourselves beyond what's comfortable and beyond what's convenient this Christmas? I wonder what it looks like to give sacrificially of or whole life this season. I wonder if we would be okay with that? I wonder if we could pursue it with passion and experience life because of it this Christmas? Would you begin to pray even now of what it may look like to follow after Christ in sacrificing yourself that others might experience Christmas this season?